Disciplinary Methods
I do care so much about my kids feelings, this is the reason I have selected disciplinary methods that apply to my kids according to their ages and developmental stages. Discipline is teaching to behave in a manner the child learn judgement, good and bad. We don't apply any disciplinary method different to our son who has a genetic disorder than it is apply to a typical child. A child is a child regardless a diagnosis.
Positively Reinforcement: Parental attention is one of the most powerful forms of positive reinforcement. I always focused in the good because it works for our oldest son. He likes we recognize his effort.
Tommy likes to have our attention. So I pay close attention of what he does when he is around and praise him for any good action he does. For example: He and Francis play chase. Tommy has lately been paitient with Francis and wait for Francis to start running and them he chaises Francis without pushing. So I give him a verbal praises: Such as: "You are being good waiting for your brother." And a big tide hugs accompany my words. So I get a big smile from Tommy and a warm feeling in my heart. Francis in the other hand, it is getting the idea of "praising" so it is happy moment when he realizes he had done something good, he began to say "Weeh" and clap.
Redirecting: This involves the simple act of redirecting the child to an appropriate behavior, instead telling the child "No, don't do that or No, don't do this." It takes practice avoid the use of the word "No," but it works! If you tell your child what it is correct and what he or she should be doing, instead hesitate to say no, he will know what it is appropriate. When one say "NO" to a young child, they cannot read our minds about what or why we are saying "NO." Be specific about what the child should do instead of using "NO". This disciplinary method also expands the child's language comprehension because he or she will make the connection of your words with actions.
Time-outs: Time-outs is physically removing the child from a problem situation. The child should be sent to a neutral and being ignored until he/she is calm and quiet. It is recommended to use time-outs with moderation; otherwise, it will be ineffective. Consistency and repetition are essential to help the child to understand time-out. According to the Child Welfare League of America, a single behavior should be selected for time out. After time out, sitting and talking to the child to explain why he was in time out and have a happy and positive time-out ending.
A behavior that is not socially accept and we don't accept it in our house, eather, it is physically hurting others — in adulthood is called "assault"— so the behavior we have chosen to apply time-out is "NOT PHYSICALLY HURTING." Tommy and Francis have their fights. When it is not Tommy is Francis, the one that hit first. A typical situation, Tommy gets mad at Francis when they are playing and Francis changes the dynamic of play-time. So Francis knows when Tommy is going after him and he runs, then, Tommy reaches Francis' pulls his hair or pushes him. Tommy also hit his brother on purpose —Trisomy 21 doesn't exchange the fights among my boys.
About 6 months ago, Tommy was very defiant to not going in time-out and grapped my hands and yilled at me "NOOO!" with a very angry voice. But now, he seems more mature because he stays in time-out. I count backwards when the situation is getting out of control because this makes him to realize that he is in trouble and he brakes in tears. Currently, he gets 4 minutes of time but it is not quite often because he is not fitting with his brother so much. We put him in Time-out in the same place, on the big black couch. Everybody leave and let him alone. After time-out is over, I hold him and we have a talk. For example: I always emphasis "We love you," we don't pull your hair. Or "We don't hit you." It hurts." When we hurt others we say "SORRY(LO SIENTO)." We practice until Tommy says "Sorry" /"Lo siento" or does an action that shows he is repentance. I also try that the Boys kiss or hug each other. We are not applying time-out for Francis because it is not age appropriate for him. But when he hurst Tommy he gets removed from conflict zone and I say something like: "Hitting hurts, be nice to Tommy" or just "No hurting, be nice."
Establishing Rules by adding chores: Explain your rules and be prepared to be consistent until the child learns to follow them on his/her own. This applies really good to teach the child to be responsible. So we are sticking to the rule of "not hitting" with both kids. But we have also add a chore, "clean up after playing" or "if they are just creating a mess." Therefore, the boys also have the responsibility of keeping the house organized. But the best way to teach a child to be organized and be responsible is by example. I make sure I set the example for them, so I stick to the rules, too. As soon as, they finish playing I remind them to clean up with the song "It's time to put the toys way at Tommy and Francis's house." I also use the chore of "cleaning up" for increasing vocabulary and language comprehension. I label and point at the objects they should pick up and tell them where the toys should go.
Parents should remind clam and being consistant to be successful in a lovely discipline, but it is not always in this way. There are days my boys push the limits, but practice makes perfection. The most I control myself, the better I am responding to chaotic situations. It is about growing together with my boys. I didn't learn all this disciplinary methods on my own. I learned while we were being coached by therapists from the Early Intervention Program (EIP). I miss my son's therapists so much! They will always have a special place in our hearts!
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Related Post:
Lovely Discipline
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