Lovely Discipline (Part 2)

Working full time makes discipline my boys a little harder for me. I am not at home, so I cannot see when my boys need to be disciplined or when discipline may be done using a different approach. So keeping an open communication with the caregivers or relative who help with baby sitting is crucial to be successful in a lovely discipline.

Disciplinary Methods
I do care so much about my kids feelings, this is the reason I have selected disciplinary methods that apply to my kids according to their ages and developmental stages. Discipline is teaching to behave in a manner the child learn judgement, good and bad. We don't apply any disciplinary method different to our son who has a genetic disorder than it is apply to a typical child. A child is a child regardless a diagnosis.

Positively Reinforcement:  Parental attention is one of the most powerful forms of positive reinforcement. 
I always focused in the good because it works for our oldest son. He likes we recognize his effort.

Tommy likes to have our attention. So I pay close attention of what he does when he is around and praise him for any good action he does. For example: He and Francis play chase. Tommy has lately been paitient with Francis and wait for Francis to start running and them he chaises Francis without pushing. So I give him a verbal praises: Such as: "You are being good waiting for your brother." And a big tide hugs accompany my words. So I get a big smile from Tommy and a warm feeling in my heart. Francis in the other hand, it is getting the idea of "praising" so it is happy moment when he realizes he had done something good, he began to say "Weeh" and clap.

Redirecting: 
This involves the simple act of redirecting the child to an appropriate behavior, instead telling the child "No, don't do that or No, don't do this." It takes practice avoid the use of the word "No," but it works! If you tell your child what it is correct and what he or she should be doing, instead hesitate to say no, he will know what it is appropriate. When one say "NO" to a young child, they cannot read our minds about what or why we are saying "NO."  Be specific about what the child should do instead of using "NO". This disciplinary method also expands the child's language comprehension because he or she will make the connection of your words with actions.

Time-outs: Time-outs is physically removing the child from a problem situation. The child should be sent to a neutral and being ignored until he/she is calm and quiet. It is recommended to use time-outs with moderation; otherwise, it will be ineffective. Consistency and repetition are essential to help the child to understand time-out. According to the Child Welfare League of America, a single behavior should be selected for time out. After time out,  sitting and talking to the child to explain why he was in time out and have a happy and positive time-out ending. 

A behavior that is not socially accept and we don't accept it in our house, eather, it is physically hurting others — in adulthood is called "assault"— so the behavior we have chosen to apply time-out is "NOT PHYSICALLY HURTING." Tommy and Francis have their fights. When it is not Tommy is Francis, the one that hit first. A typical situation, Tommy gets mad at Francis when they are playing and Francis changes the dynamic of play-time. So Francis knows when Tommy is going after him and he runs, then, Tommy reaches Francis' pulls his hair or pushes him. Tommy also hit his brother on purpose —Trisomy 21 doesn't exchange the fights among my boys. 

About 6 months ago, Tommy was very defiant to not going in time-out and grapped my hands and yilled at me "NOOO!" with a very angry voice. But now, he seems more mature  because he stays in time-out. I count backwards when the situation is getting out of control because this makes him to realize that he is in trouble and he brakes in tears. Currently, he gets 4 minutes of time but it is not quite often because he is not fitting with his brother so much. We put him in Time-out in the same place, on the big black couch. Everybody leave and let him alone. After  time-out is over, I hold him and we have a talk.  For example: I  always emphasis "We love you," we don't pull your hair. Or "We don't hit you." It hurts." When we hurt others we say "SORRY(LO SIENTO)." We practice until Tommy says "Sorry" /"Lo siento" or does an action that shows he is repentance. I also try that the Boys kiss or hug each other. We are not applying time-out for Francis because it is not age appropriate for him. But when he hurst Tommy he gets removed from conflict zone and I say something like: "Hitting hurts, be nice to Tommy" or just "No hurting, be nice."

Establishing Rules by adding chores:
 Explain your rules and be prepared to be consistent until the child learns to follow them on his/her own. 
This applies really good to teach the child to be responsible. So we are sticking to the rule of "not hitting" with both kids. But we have also add a chore, "clean up after playing" or "if they are just creating a mess." Therefore, the boys also have the responsibility of  keeping the house organized. But the best way to teach a child to be organized and be responsible is by example. I make sure I set the example for them, so I stick to the rules, too. As soon as, they finish playing I remind them to clean up with the song "It's time to put the toys way at Tommy and Francis's house."  I also use the chore of "cleaning up" for increasing vocabulary and language comprehension. I label and point  at the objects they should pick up and tell them where the toys should go. 

Parents should remind clam and being consistant to be successful in a lovely discipline, but it is not always in this way. There are days my boys push the limits, but practice makes perfection. The most I control myself, the better I am responding to chaotic situations. It is about growing together with my boys. I didn't learn all this disciplinary methods on my own. I learned while we were being coached by therapists from the Early Intervention Program (EIP). I miss my son's therapists so much! They will always have a special place in our hearts! 

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Related Post: 
Lovely Discipline

Lovely Discipline

Discipline a child bring the better and the worse of our inner self as adults. Because It is very easy to lose patient when you are trying that the child does one thing and the child does the opposite. Therefore, to discipline a child with or without developmental challenges, it is imperative one learn to know the child's likes and dislikes beyond the labels. 


Discipline my son with developmental challenges has made me realized discipline should be lovely and positive. It is not about 'I am the adult, you are the child, so you have to obey.' This aptitude doesn't teach anything to a child, specially to Tommy who has a strong personality and sensory processing that makes harder for him to make sense of the environment around him. 


He is my life coach! He had taught me I needed to redirect my discipline methods because he may be at a higher level of understanding, but people around him cannot know it because his communication barriers. When I realized this, it was a day he got mad at me and pull my hair so hard. In my inner self, I wanted to spank him so bad. But instead, I played my role as an adult. I controlled my self, with a lot effort, and with a very calmed and lovely voice I told him: Tommy, I do love you. Mammy and Daddy love you so much, so we don't hurt you. We don't pull your hair. I could tell, he realized his action wasn't right. He immediately stopped pulling my hair and began to cry. So I kept talking: Mammy and daddy don't pull your hair because we love you. You made a good choice in stopping pulling my hair. Mammy is not mad.  He couldn't still stop his tears, so I hugged him and kissed him. Then, he began to sing with a tumble voice and with watery eyes, he tried to be silly to make me smile. Then I told him: 'You learned a lesson, you are sorry. Just say sorry.' So we practiced saying sorry, until he could say 'Sorry' very understandable...Since that day,  I just say: Remember, I love you. and he stops his aggressive action.


The situation describes abobe taught a lesson to all of us. Never underestimate a child with developmental challenges. Tommy learned that a bad action has a consequence and one feel sorry after doing something wrong. I learned 'self control' and an authority aptitude makes the situation worse and the child takes control of the situation because the child gets into a defensive mode. Therefore, discipline is about emotional and behavioral growth from both sides,  parents/caregiver and children. I have learned I am the adult and I am the one who has set the example of 'self-control,' so fighting with a child it doesn't show much self control. When a parent/care giver gets to this point an emotional and behavioral growth begins that steps into a trusting relationship between adult and child.


Discipline a child with a genetic disorder changes the rules of the game, but the goal is the same, WIN to teach a child how to behave. Regardless developmental challenges, we has began to set goals about  discipline in our family based on:

• to obey/respect adults
• to self control
• to be responsible
• to follow the families rules

Setting goals has helped me to not lose the perspective of what discipline should be about. So when one get to this point, it is easier to establish discipline methods according to the kids' personalities and ages, including to follow psychological techniques, to be consistent (which is hard) and be patient, very patient.  To get to this point, I did a mental exam on what I was failing and what I should consider to set boundaries to achive a lovely and positive discipline. I got to the conclusion, I should discipline according: 

• To understand what a typical behavior is
• To help my boys to achive a emotional and behavioral growth
• To build a trusting relationship
• To recognize sensory sick behaviors from my oldest child
• To understand my children's world according the age and developmental challanges
• To help my kids understand that an aggressive behaviors are not acceptable (pulling hair, bite, kicking, etc)
• To respect the child as individual by giving the child  the opportunity to express his feelings, regardless if the child has communication barriers

I have felt these points have helped me to set boundaries with Tommy. Because he is my first child, so many things are just new experiences for me. Beside that, Tommy's personality is strong as mine. But the key is learning from every experience when you have to apply discipline, so one can take from every experience what worked and to improve what didn't.

Setting the limits

As Tommy's advocate, I have to see beyond the picture. So I always looks in detail about anything related to tommy, because regardless I have the opportunities to work with great professionals to help Tommy to achieve his full potential, at the end, I am the one that truly knows him. This is the reason, I constantly educate myself about any aspect related to a child development. 


I felt I didn't know what typical behaviors was for a child around my oldest son age. So I talked to other parents who have typical kids. One day, I even so my little neighbor, who is 3 months older than Tommy,  trying to bite and hit his mom because she didn't allow him to do something. When I saw this, I just laughed! I realized Tommy's emotions are just typical as a child of his age. Thank God, it is in this way! I truly thought Tommy was needing professional help because he was having serious behavioral issues that are very common in kids with T21.


I also search online about how kids behaved around my son's age. According to Baby center.com this is how a typical 4-year old child behaves:

At this age your child still lacks self-control. It can take more than one, two, sometimes ten times for a lesson to sink in. Repeating transgressions is also a way of testing the limits. Are they firm or mushy? If Dad ignores me this time, maybe what I did isn't such a big deal after all.
Aggression is a normal phase at this age. Specific situations in which your child feels uncertain or out of control usually trigger the incidents. Respond quickly and calmly. Establish set rules and consequences for antisocial behaviors like hitting and kicking.
Not everything needs to be a battle. Overlook small things or give your child a mild verbal warning ("Keep your feet off the sofa") so your messages about the big ones get the emphasis they deserve. Don't get drawn into battles you can't win, such as those over eating.

It was a huge surprise for me. This exactly describes Tommy's behaviors. This make me feel so good because he is having a range of emotions according to his age. One more time, he is proving to me that 'stereotypes are breakable' that one day, the medical community will get the tools to truly unluck the potential of our kids. 


We are working on setting rules in our house that should be followed for everybody, including Baby Francis. Francis will be 18 month in a few months, which is the age some toddlers begin to show their first tantrums, so my little funny guy will also experience a range of emotions. He won't be the lovely guy we all are used to. So it is better we star setting limits with discipline according to his age. I also think Francis should be disciplined because it is not fair for Tommy, if he sees Francis doing something wrong and Francis doesn't get disciplined. We know Tommy is still struggling having someone to compete for our attention. He gets jealous when we pay too much attention to Francis. Therefore, it is imperative we keep a balance so this not hurt Tommy's self steam and he thinks we prefer Francis rather than him. To keep a balance by doing things I used to do with Tommy previous to Francis. I keep going to Tommy's room first as always has been previous to Francis. Then, I let Tommy play around while I get Francis ready. If Francis throw the toys out of the crib, I ask Tommy for help to put the toys in the crip. I make sure I point to the toys so he can locate them, taking in consideration he needs a guide for his sense of sight to register the toy. So when I am done, The three of us go down the stairs together. I hold Francis and Tommy's goes down holding the rail. The same thing if we go up stair, I let Francis to climb the stairs because he enjoys it and it is less back pain for me. I hold Tommy's hand, as always has been, and we both walk behind Francis. Francis has fun and Tommy gets my attention


There are many discipline methods, but not all of them apply to every child. So we are finding ways to understand how our kids's sense the world around them, specially, Tommy because his sensory issues. There are many behaviors people takes for 'typical' or even don't notice them, but they are not Typical. For example: I have noticed, Tommy visually doesn't see what is one the sides, he looks just straight ahead. If you put the blocks in front of him, he stacks them. If you put the blocks on the side, for him to look for them and stack them, he doesn't see them.  Tommy's vision is perfect, but his sense of sight doesn't register that there are objects, or even, people beside him. So if he throw a toy and Francis is close, he doesn't see Francis. For a person, that it is not familiar with sensory processing, it would look like he is trying to hit Francis. So what I do, it is redirect him to play properly with the toy. If it is a car, I take the car and roll the car while interacting with Tommy in a funny way. And say, Oh, you almost hit Francis, be careful next time.  Or I try to prevent the situation by saying to Tommy, "You could hurt Francis if you throws the toy, and again, I friendly redirect him to play properly. As an adult and has become a piece maker. I am educating my-self about sensory processing behaviors because if we as adults don't understand a sensory child's world, we can emotionally hurt the child's self steam by applying unnecessary discipline. Because the child thinks 'I am not doing anything wrong, I am just playing, why I am being punished?'  If I can understand how my son's perceives the wold, it is easier to teach him to recognize dangerous situations and that he can hurt others. Brain Highway has created awesome videos that explains and help to recognized sensory behaviors. All the actors in these videos have sensory issues. Click here to see the videos.


To establish appropriate discipline methods, I have also looked into if Tommy could recognize emotions. So in this way, I can work with him in identifying them and help him to cope with them. Thanks to technology, Tommy could show me he recognizes emotions, such as: unhappy, happy, disgusted, upset, sad, excited, mad.  Once again, he has showed me 'stereotypes are breakable'. We worked on this by the end of the Early Intervention Program about a year and half ago, but it wasn't deeply. After he finished the EIP, we didn't work on this again. I know, at school, they haven't work on this either. I am happy he can recognize these emotions without work on them. I am incorporating emotions into play so he can learn through play how to cope with the emotions. 


I feel so much better now, because with a lovely and positive discipline, I can see how my relationship with Tommy is changing for better, because we are building a trusting relationship. In my next post I will talk about discipline methods we are applying and will apply according each child's age and personality. 

The Sky is the Limit!

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For parents and caregivers
I found an article, by Dr. Sears, that is focused in discipline kids with Trisomy 21. It is a very helpful in this matter. Click here!

Shynees –part of a typical development

Shyness in toddlers is part of a typical social and emotional development. This shows the child becomes increasingly aware of people they do not know, which it tells you the child is aware of his surroundings. If a child doesn't show shyness by 24 month it is recommended to talk the child's pediatrician.

Tommy was extremely social and outgoing when he was a baby, but he gradually became shy and quit among a big group of people, which makes me confident because he is having a typical social and emotional development. According to the book 'The Wonder Years,' "This shyness is likely to continue for some time –an 18-month-old may still be clingy and look to her or his parent for reassurance. By the age of three, many children are still self-conscious and quiet around those who are unfamiliar to them or when they are in big groups. As they get older, many children become more outgoing again; however, for some, signs of shyness persist and up to half of five –and six-years old still show some degree of shyness."

So building up our son's confidence and self-steem to help him to overcome his shyness is important to us. To support him in overcoming his shyness we are:

• Taking him to public places more often
• Giving him more opportunities to spend time with kids of age
• Giving him plenty of attention
• Praising him as much as we can
• Disciplining him with a positive nurturing environment
• Never focussing on shyness as a problem. Actually, we are trying not even mention he acts shy in front of him because this will only make him self-conscious. He is not shy, it is just part of his social and emotional development as any other child.

We are very proud of our boy because he is beginning to overcome his shyness. We attended to two family events (a wedding and a baptism) and Tommy wasn't shy. We could see him more confident among the big group of people and even smiling and making silly games with other people. When we came back home, daddy talked to Tommy about how proud we were of him for being very social with people and how well behave he was been in both family reunions.

People say how lucky Tommy is for having us,

we think how lucky we are for having him.

He is typically doing many things according to

his age regardless the syndrome.

No, No, No!

As we all know, Tommy is an explorer. So, the trash hasn't been out of a fascinating place to explore. On Tuesday, I put in the trash a Gatorade bottle. I went back to the kitchen when I heard a bottle falling where Tommy was. I went to checked on him and he was pretending he was drinking from the bottle I put away a few minutes before. He got mad at me because I took the bottle away and he had to wash his hands and mouth. To end our fight, I gave him a clean Gatorade bottle. I drank half of the bottle and I gave the rest to him. and this is what happened (see the video below):

Tommy is getting so independent

that I feel he will soon say:

"Mom, I am going to get married."

My husband feels that he won't soon be

Tommy's favorite because

Tommy will be hanging out with his friends.

Our baby is gone, but a beautiful boy is emerging.